A bigger table
My heart is heavy as I plan to leave Uganda next month. I find myself savoring the sights as my final days pass with gratitude and also sadness. I wanted to share a nice New Years post, but as I find a quiet place to write this I'm not having many of those "nice" feelings. Truth is, another year in this place has made me angry. Angry at injustice. Angry at the effects of poverty. Angry at people's laziness and the lack of creativity. Angry at a lacking education system. Angry at corrupt leadership...yeah, unfortunately this list goes on and on. This anger has often grown through my daily disappointments, and sadly at times it has crushed my hopes and brought great discouragement. One might think that in these times of doubt and fear and frustration I would give up and close down. Well, I've certainly had those days, but I'm choosing the opposite= to expand my horizons and “enlarge the place of my tent, stretch my tent curtains wide; lengthen my cords, and strengthen my stakes.” (Isaiah 54) So this is when I have to dig deep into my faith and hear that small voice saying "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9) Again Jesus tells me to have peace, and He reminds me that my grief will turn to joy, for "in this world I will have trouble= but I can take heart! He has overcome the world.” (John 16) So I wait for His comfort and encouragement for what's ahead. I wait for those glimmers of hope that keep me fighting. I press on. Although "I'm pressed on every side by troubles, I'm not crushed. Though perplexed, I'm not driven to despair. I'm never abandoned by God. I get knocked down, but I am not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4) I reflect on what has been done, and a promise of what tomorrow could bring and once again I'm reminded of how blessed I am. "Blessed to be a blessing" as my mom would always tell us growing up! My cup is truly overflowing and today I can choose to let this overflow spill into the lives of those feeling empty around me. “I'm going to make sure my love is sincere. I'm going to cling to what is good. I'm going to choose to be devoted to others, and honor them above myself. I'm going to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. I'm going to share with people who are in need. I'm going to practice hospitality. I'm going to rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. I'm going to live in harmony with others. I'm not going to be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. I will not be conceited.” (Romans 12) It's ok that my experiences make me angry. Life is messy and unfair and the feelings just aren't always "nice". It only compels me to do something about it. To be better and do better. Yes, the change starts with me. So, I'm building that larger table. I'm making room for more. Oh God! I'm going to need a lot of help!
